To create their own voices, students will start working on a portfolio in this lesson to develop an awareness of and practice with writing style. At the end of this lesson, students are going to:
- Write two or three paragraphs describing an initial, astonishing moment (or any descriptive/narrative passage that is limited in scope and provides an opportunity to discuss and practice style).
- Examine a well-written passage that highlights an unbelievable moment.
- Determine the qualities of a well-written passage.
- React to what their classmates have written.
- Improve their word choice abilities.
- Practice using precise language when expressing themselves.
- Revise their own work, using what they've learned about effective writing.
- Start compiling their work into a portfolio, which they will keep up to date during the unit.

- To what extent does the writing process influence writing quality?
- How can we become proficient writers?
- How does writing function in our daily lives?

- Focus: The center of interest or attention. 
- Sensory Details: The use of words and phrases that appeal to the five senses. Writers use sensory details to help readers imagine how things look, feel, smell, sound, and taste. 
- Irrelevant Details: Having no bearing on or connection with the subject or topic. 
- Style: How an author writes; an author’s use of language; its effects and appropriateness to the author’s intent and theme. 
- Word Choice: The rich, colorful, and precise language that moves and enlightens the reader. 
- Voice: The fluency, rhythm, and liveliness in writing that make it unique to the writer. 
- Tone: The attitude of the author toward the audience and subject (e.g., playful, critical, ominous, wistful). 
- Redundancy: A writing flaw in which unnecessary wording is used.

- a board, large screen, or easel with a large drawing pad to put up examples and student responses
- a two-to-three-paragraph draft describing a startling experience, one written by each student
- copies of the excerpt from Mark Twain’s Life on the Mississippi. Use Lesson 1 Materials (L-C-3-1_Lesson 1 Materials) or see http://www.online-literature.com/twain/life_mississippi/10/ 
- excerpt from The Hound of the Baskervilles by A. Conan Doyle. Refer to Lesson 1 Materials (L-C-3-1_Lesson 1 Materials)
- copies of the problem paragraph, whose text is in the body of the lesson (or a display of it on a large screen for the class)
- sets of editing pens in different colors for the writing groups

- Maintain the emphasis on using precise language in description throughout the lesson. While the students are working on revising their paragraphs, move among the groups and observe which students will require additional assistance later on.
- Make sure you circulate among the writing groups while they work on their responses so you can offer guidance and assistance with specific issues as they arise. You can determine whether you need to hold another class session specifically focused on the use of precise language by listening to them discuss it and quickly glancing at their descriptions and answers.
- When they start working on the sensory details in class, visit the desks of those who may require more practice. You can also determine whether any changes are necessary based on their end-of-class feedback on the writing groups and the response procedure.
- If needed, walk the class as a whole or a select group through another expert example. Ask them to evaluate the salient points once more.

Direct Instruction, Modeling, Active Participation, and Scaffolding
W: To develop their unique voices, students are aware that they are starting their own portfolio to foster an awareness and practice of style. Students are informed about the assessment criteria for this unit, which include portfolio practice, participation in writing groups, response to personalized instruction from the instructor, and a final paper that requires editing. 
H: Since students are writing on topics of their own choosing, reacting to other students' writing, and getting feedback on their own writing from their peers, they feel a personal connection to the work. 
E: Following their analysis of a professionally written piece, students get to apply their newly acquired knowledge to their own work by identifying the elements that make it effective. In addition, the teacher gathers their initial drafts of papers that describe astonishing moments, as well as their feedback on and recommendations for the writing groups' response process. 
R: In addition to seeing what their classmates have written about the subject and hearing the writing group members' comments on their own drafts, students get the chance to reflect on the lessons they have learned from the professionally written description and apply them to their own work. After that, they have time to edit their drafts using what they've learned, focusing on how to use focus, tone, sensory details, figurative language, strong verbs, and word choice effectively. 
E: Through in-class discussions, written responses to other students in their writing group, and paper revisions, students demonstrate their grasp of the material. 
T: Students discuss as a class and in small groups, and they write collaboratively and individually. Students who might struggle to analyze the Twain passage can work through it with others and gain insight into what works and what doesn't in the reading. 
O: The lesson starts with a group discussion centered on actual writing assignments that students have been given. All students have the opportunity to practice what they have learned in groups, and revision provides them with the chance to incorporate what they have learned about effective description into their own writing. 

Main Question: How can we improve our writing by using precise language?

Demand students write a two-to-three-paragraph description of an unexpected experience to bring to class. Provide an example from your own experience for them to follow before they write the passage. (For instance, "I was forced to perform on a local television program by my piano teacher. I was knocked down an octave when the base of one of the cameras struck the piano bench during a close-up. I was in the middle of my piece, playing from memory, and when this happened, my mind was like a blank slate. I could not recall at all what I had been playing.") It's not necessary for the topics that students write about to be historic events or pivotal moments.

To develop their writing style, students will start to put together a portfolio. Initially, they will concentrate on using precise language in a short descriptive passage. Students can naturally and reasonably easily get started with a descriptive writing assignment as a foundation for their study style. It's easy to apply what they learn about precise word choice and sentence structure to other kinds of writing.

Define Style

Explain to the class that "writing style is the main topic of this unit. We can identify many writers by the style of their written language, just as we can identify some people by their fashion sense (the kinds of clothes they choose and the way they put together a particular "look") or musicians by their musical sense (the music they select and the way they arrange it). You'll be working on creating your own writing style in addition to studying some samples of professional writing styles. To track your development throughout this unit, you will maintain a portfolio of your work. We are going to start that procedure immediately."

"I want you to understand how you will be assessed for this unit first. Though writing can be challenging, anyone can learn how to write well, so don't worry. The completion of your portfolio, participation in writing groups, and attention to the areas I ask you to focus on specifically will account for the majority of your grade. A final work of writing that you will be able to edit and refine will comprise the remaining portion of your grade."

It is up to you how you evaluate the work, but the portfolio approach is one effective way to encourage students who may believe they cannot write well or improve, as well as challenge students who believe they have already reached the top rung of the writing ladder and have nothing they can do to improve their work.

"I'd like you to now pull out the written piece I asked you to bring with you today, which is a two- to three-paragraph account of an experience that surprised you," you might say. "Read through your personal experience for a moment." Once the students have completed reading, ask them to set aside their descriptions for the time being. Once they have read the account of an unexpected experience by a professional writer, they will go back to it.

Analyze the tone and word choice in a reading

Read the passage from Mark Twain's Life on the Mississippi aloud to the class. Make use of the L-C-3-1_Lesson 1 Materials lesson materials. Teach students that the ability to show rather than tell is one of the most important traits of good descriptive and/or narrative writing. Next, ask them to select passages that demonstrate that idea (e.g., "a broad expanse of river was turned to blood," "as many tinted as an opal," "somber shadow," etc.).

Some students will definitely comment on the use of metaphor and simile (ask them to find examples if none do). Encourage students to explain the narrator's feelings of wonder and amazement in response to the scene. Explain that this is the author's tone, how they feel about the subject, and how they would like the reader to react. Then ask the class how they know the narrator is experiencing this (the way he describes the effect of the sunset on the river, saying that it enriches it “with new marvels of coloring” and that he was “like one bewitched,” that is, that the scene left him “in a speechless rapture”).

If no one has brought up sensory details, make sure the students understand that many of the details they have brought up appeal to the senses, like the "ruddy flush." Request that they identify the strong verbs that are used in the passage. It's okay if they choose to focus on participles that are currently being used as adjectives, like boiling and tumbling. They might think of terms like glowed, brightened, broken, etc. As they go through the scene, ask them to identify other instances of interesting word choice, such as "the charms which the moon and the sun and the twilight wrought upon the river's face" and "the dissolving lights drifted steadily."

After that, have students consider the essential components of Twain's passage that contribute to its powerful description. As soon as the recommendations are finished, you can rearrange the results that were written on the board. They ought to include a summary of the essential components you just covered, maybe with some fascinating additions: a response (beyond surprise) that serves as the piece's main focus and tone, as well as details that support that tone, such as the choice of words, the use of sensory details, the use of figurative language, and the strong verbs.

Practice Improving a Description

Inform students to start practicing enhancing a description: "We're going to look at another piece of writing before we go back to yours, but you'll notice that it's very different from Twain's." Display (on the board or the screen, or distribute copies to students) the following paragraph or one of your own with similar problems:

I entered the shadowy woods very carefully. I saw the tops of tall pine trees reaching toward the sky. I smelled the sharp fragrance of pine. I heard the fussing of a distant blue jay. I felt soft pine needles beneath my feet and the damp fog upon my cheek.

Inform the students: "The paragraph's author was instructed to provide sensory details for the scene she described. Has the author done this?" Allow students to identify for you the sensory details (shadowy woods, tops of tall pine trees reaching toward the sky, etc.). "Now, after reading that paragraph, what issue do you see?" If it hasn't already been mentioned, someone should now indicate the excessive use of "I. Assign students to four-person groups and give them five to ten minutes to brainstorm their own revisions. Instruct them to reduce the number of I's to a manageable amount, make the description more readable, and preserve the salient sensory details. Once all the groups have finished their revisions, have the students identify which sentences they felt worked the best. Here's one scenario:

I moved cautiously into the dark woods. A blue jay fussed off in the distance, and the tops of tall pine trees reached toward the sky. The soft scent of pine needles covered the ground, the air was fragrant with the sharp scent of the trees, and the morning fog had dampened my cheek.

Revise the First Draft of a Description

Say, "Now it's time to review your own description. Consider the recent discussion regarding Twain's description and the way sensory details are presented, and then rewrite your own to make it as strong a draft as you can. Please bring two copies of your revised work when you arrive tomorrow." Request that students date both the initial description they wrote and the revision they made for the following class period. The updated version needs to be stapled over the original.

Respond to student descriptions in groups and revise

Assemble the students into groups and give them both copies of the revision. Students often pick up techniques from their peers, so these groups will play a significant role in the process. Additionally, even though time constraints usually prevent group members from reading the papers, after students get used to this procedure, they frequently want to read the papers of other students as well.

First, students must be convinced that writing is important and that they can truly advance and become better writers. In addition, they will acquire valuable skills for reacting to other people's writing. Tell the students that "the writing groups serve two purposes: first, to encourage each writer to consider effective ways to express themselves, and second, to assist each writer in crafting the strongest possible description for their work." Remind students that it is improper for them to make negative comments, as this may discourage some from getting involved. They won't encounter that problem if they follow the process since they will be focusing on the positive aspects.

Explain the following process to students and write it on the board so they can refer to it as they collaborate:

1. "Every group member, including the paper's author, will read the same document simultaneously.
2. Finally, identify the tone of the description (amused, anxious, enthusiastic, etc.) and write that word at the end of the paper. Put a colon after it and enumerate the specifics that led you to conclude that this is the tone.
3. Use different colored pens for your comments because there will be two of you writing on the same revision. Next, highlight the strong verbs that you found in the passage.
4. Next, highlight the sensory detail that you believe to be the most effective."

You can use this process as a technique to concentrate on any specific area of your writing to get feedback from readers. It is a good habit to instill in your students so that they use these groups for very practical purposes, believing that reading and receiving feedback from their peers will make them all better writers. Say,

1. "Put your questions, comments, and/or suggestions for the writer's improvement at the very end of the draft. Next, write today's date and sign your name. When everyone has completed responding to the article, read your responses out loud to the author. If there is a lot of diversity in viewpoints, note it and explain why.
2. Please return the copies to the author, who will keep them. Although the writer does not have to alter their work in response to the comments, it is still beneficial to take into account that readers have provided feedback. Continue until all of the documents have been reviewed and answered."

Go around the groups as they work to identify any issues, especially during the first few times students use this kind of process. It's crucial to note any issues when tackling this assignment. For example, if you recognize a student's negative attitude toward another student's work, you can intervene and say, "I realized that some groups appear to be facing a little struggle getting started. Let's examine Carl's explanation. Please give me a moment to review it." Decide on a general tone for the group, observe as other group members record it, and wait until you can see that relevant supporting details are being identified. This approach serves as a gentle reminder that there is a proper protocol for group work.

It is usually sufficient to keep the comments on the topic because students acknowledge that the teacher will be viewing them by signing their names. When you use this process frequently, students will often ask for more constructive feedback; they want assistance in identifying their areas of weakness. You will observe how your class evolves and recognize when it is appropriate to provide students with different formats for their responses. It can be beneficial at times to just focus on proofreading focus toward the end of the process.

Writers are required to revise their descriptions once again after receiving feedback on their work. The responses from each group member will be stapled on top of the previous draft, with the most recent revision always appearing first. Once more, students are under no obligation to follow the advice of their group members; nonetheless, just by observing the work of others, students can enhance their own assignments.

Give students a piece of paper to complete before they leave class, and ask them to rate the usefulness of this process. You'll likely receive a more candid response regarding this initial encounter with the procedure if you don't ask for names. Also, ask them to write down any ideas they may have for improving the procedure's efficiency, especially ones you can put into practice.

You will be able to determine whether the groups are prepared to move on to Lesson 2 or if they need more time to work on precise language after observing them in action. If time permits, devote an additional session to dissecting a formal composition such as the Twain piece. Here are some ideas for writing samples to review:

An excerpt from Arthur Conan Doyle's The Hound of the Baskervilles (see L-C-3-1_Lesson 1 Materials for the materials for the first lesson)
An extract of two paragraphs from Gerald Durrell's book My Family and Other Animals, 1988, Penguin, pp. 38–39
An extract of two paragraphs from Paul Theroux's book The Mosquito Coast, 1982, Houghton Mifflin, pp. 103–104. (From "We entered the town at night, under the bright barnacled moon," to "...days before we could get back to our own house.")

Extension:

Provide students with a list of strong verbs that they can utilize frequently. You can begin a basic list with a few verbs like "say," "walk," and "move."  Ask students to list several words that they can use (crowd, growl, moan, ask, stumble, skip, walk, turn, dance, leap). You can ask students to explain the verbs or have them act them out, depending on the group.
Ask if anyone has any questions regarding any of the terms or expressions used during an oral reading if you feel it is necessary. Before evaluating the reading, do this: If you believe that students might be reluctant to ask questions, list some potential troublesome words and phrases and ask volunteers to clarify their meanings.